Blink.

I am on yet another downward spiral and at the core of it all is time.

I feel like time is slipping through my fingers like quicksand and every time I try to stop and hold it in my palm, I am shaken by just how much I have lost. I am 26 years old. It seems like a week ago I was dancing on tables and falling down driveways in college. I blinked and all my friends are married homeowners and I’m still… alone.

My biggest fear growing up has come painfully true. I am alone. I have no husband. Or boyfriend. No prospect of a family. It’s just me, alone in my apartment with my two cats.

Growing up I felt like I’d use my early 20s for fun. 24 I’d meet the love of my life. 26 I’d be married. And by 28 I’d begin to start my family.

Funny how plans work. Nothing in my life has gone according to plan. I keep reminding myself I have all the time in the world, but I see how quickly time can go. And my biggest fear now is that I’ll blink. And 26 will become 56. Or 86. And I still won’t be where I want to be. And I still won’t have found happiness.